It’s understandable that olives are such a divisive, polarizing food given that they’re somewhere between a salt ball and a terribly firm grape. It is the opinion of this court that the entirety of the world’s olive supply should be gathered in a large sack capable of holding such an amount, and this bag be subsequently buried in the deepest part of the ocean. For those of you unfamiliar with where that location could be, the Mariana Trench is 36,000 ft deep, so I believe that would be a good place to start.
I know what you’re thinking, some of us actually quite like the taste of olives, and you’re being unnecessarily irate. While I respect your opinion as another person on this planet, I don’t care for it. Olives serve no true purpose in the snack world, and everyone should heed this warning: if you try to serve me or any loved on I know an olive, you will regret it.
Keep the olives away from me, here’s what you missed in the news this weekend.
Game Called On Account Of Trump
President Donald Trump is a many of simple pleasures and interests, he loves a nice piece of fish after a long day at the office, and most notably, the man loves a good tariff. Over the past few months, President Trump has imposed billions of dollars in tariffs on Chinese goods, but per recent reports, it would seem that he’s had a change of heart. On Sunday, Trump announced that the U.S. will delay its previously scheduled tariff imposition from March 1 to an undisclosed time in the future.
“I am pleased to report that the U.S. has made substantial progress in our trade talks with China on important structural issues including intellectual property protection, technology transfer, agriculture, services, currency, and many other issues. As a result of these very productive talks, I will be delaying the U.S. increase in tariffs now scheduled for March 1. ”
–President Donald Trump
We Got The Wrong Guy?
Everyone who reads or watches the news is well aware of the fact that the United States judicial system is completely and utterly fool-proof. This of course being false, a man named Craig Coley has spent the last thirty-nine years in prison and, on Sunday, it was discovered that he had never been incarcerated in the first place. In 1978, he was convicted of partaking in the murder Rhonda Wicht and her 4-year-old son, Donald.
Over the weekend, Coley was awarded a $21 million settlement as a result of a federal lawsuit which proved that he was innocent.
“Mr. Coley’s 39-years was the longest prison term overturned in California. Following his release, he was awarded the largest payout ever from the Victim’s Compensation Government Claim Board which said it “unequivocally accepts that Coley is actually innocent” of the murders.
While no amount of money can make up for what happened to Mr. Coley, settling this case is the right thing to do for Mr. Coley and our community. The monetary cost of going to trial would be astronomical and it would be irresponsible for us to move forward in that direction.”
–City Manager Eric Levitt
