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For a moment, it would seem as if the world was at peace with its inner demons, and all that was good and noble was, in fact, so. Then, someone lets out a disgustingly obnoxious grunt and the spell is broken, you awake from your happy place, and realize that you are sweating your butt off in a crowded metropolitan gym. I bring this up because I have a qualm with how gym rats act when trying to shed off some extra poundage and feel more confident about their bodies. Whereas some people enjoy cardio and lift weights while acting completely normal, there are a select few individuals, whom I’ll refer to as “meatheads,” that try to lift as much weight as possible and audibly let all other gym goers know that they are doing so. Please, do us a favor, and just work out quietly, if you can muster up the strength.

Well, here’s what you missed in the news yesterday. 

Alibaba Say What?

Like many of his contemporaries in the technology industry, Jack Ma has always understood the importance of investing in the future, and in the advancement of this philosophy, Alibaba has been working with Data Artisans, a Berlin-based startup that provides distributed systems and large-scale data streaming services, since 2016, according to TechCrunch. Data Artisans garnered significant industry attention back in 2014 when the company developed Apache Flink, an open source large-scale data processing platform. Given the notion that companies across all sectors are famished for consumer data, and subsequent technologies to process and analyze such information, it would make sense that a company like Alibaba would get involved with Data Artisans on the cutting-room floor. 

In full recognition of Data Artisans’ potential opportunities for the Company, Alibaba acquired the German data analysis firm on Tuesday, in a deal reported to be worth around $103 million. The agreement, confirmed by blog posts from both Alibaba and Data Artisans, will create a collaborative partnership predicated on building and innovating around Big Data open source technologies. Data Artisans co-founders Kostas Tzoumas and Stephan Ewen naturally celebrated the recent acquisition of their company, but not solely because of the payout are given to each of them. 

Alexa, Please Contact My Lawyer

When Jeff Bezos was born in the city that never sleeps, Albuquerque, New Mexico, he too fantasized about falling in love. “Maybe her name will be Alexa, no…that seems weird, but I’ll keep that one for safekeeping.”In 1992, a period heralded as the golden age of romance, Bezos met MacKenzie Tuttle, and within a year, they were married. Some say that Tuttle’s love for Bezos gave him the drive to found Amazon two years into their matrimony, while others praise his business acumen. Howbeit, as many single-and-ready-to-mingles will tell you, not all marriages can withstand the test of time. 

It is with great sadness that I report that Bezos today announced, via a tweet from his Twitter account, that he and his wife are divorcing. Bezos’ tweet, sent out earlier morning, said:

“We want to make people aware of development in our lives. As our family and close friends know, after a long period of loving exploration and trial separation, we have decided to divorce and continue our shared lives as friends. We feel incredibly lucky to have found each other and deeply grateful for every one of the years we have been married to each other. If we had known we would separate after 25 years, we would do it all again…”

Jeff Bezos via Twitter

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