In the simplest terms I can offer, a shower thought is a miniature epiphany that makes the mundane more interesting. According to the official subreddit “r/showerthoughts,” a shower thought is an idea that offers people a new way of considering details that they might have otherwise overlooked.
Here are some of my favorite shower thoughts:
- Lasagna is just spaghetti-flavored cake
- Lobsters are mermaids to scorpions
- Skirts are just butt curtains
- Yawning is the equivalent to the 20% battery reminders we get on our phones
- Onion rings are vegetable doughnuts
- Cookie dough is the sushi of desserts
Please do your own research on more shower thoughts, but in the meantime, here’s what you missed in the news yesterday.
Sen. Warren, 1/38 Cherokee Does Not Make You Cherokee
Less than twenty-four hours after Massachusetts Sen. Elizabeth Warren released DNA evidence that her ancestry included, somewhere along the line, Native American genes. If her goal was to take power from President Trump’s countless “Pocahontas” jabs, Sen. Warren only made matters worse.
“Pocahontas (the bad version), sometimes referred to as Elizabeth Warren, is getting slammed. She took a bogus DNA test and it showed that she may be 1/1024, far less than the average American. Now Cherokee Nation denies her, ‘DNA test is useless.’ Even they don’t want her. Phony!”
– President Donald Trump
Trump’s “I-told-you-so-Pocahontas” tweets aside, his facts are actually true. However, it is important that I clarify one thing from the rant above. A DNA test is useless to determine tribal citizenship because Cherokee leaders must approve new citizens unless they were born Cherokee.
Warren worked with Stanford geneticist Carlos Bustamante to analyze her genes and discover the truth about her alleged Cherokee heritage. In a short film produced by Warren, Professor Bustamante explains to the senator that “the facts suggest that you absolutely have a Native American ancestor in your pedigree.”
Whether you believe Warren has sacred ground stand on or not, that is up to you. Sen. Warren has stated that she plans on running in the 2020 Presidential Campaign and hopes that you view her DNA acquisition has a means of being as transparent as possible to the American public.
Canada Reaches All-Time High, Literally
The legalization of recreational cannabis for Canadians officially took effect on Wednesday at midnight. With the enactment of this law, Canada is now the second country, after Uruguay, to legalize possession and recreational cannabis.
The question on everyone’s minds, aside from how late can pizza be delivered in Canada, is how will the country, and its newly budding market, evolve in the coming months. Many analysts are predicting a shortage of recreational marijuana within the first year, considering major cannabis producers have yet to face such a “high demand. ”
We shall wait and T-H-see, haha.
Saving Private Rhiannon
Lt. Gen. Laura J. Richardson has accomplished many feats during her thirty-two-year career in the US Army. Joining up in 1986, Richardson rose through the ranks of the military and in 2012, she came the first female deputy commanding general for the 1st Cavalry Division, known as “America’s First Team,” according to CNN.
Now, Richardson has once again broken through yet another glass ceiling. CNN reports that for the first time in the US Army Forces Command, or FORSCOM, a woman will be leading the largest command in the Army, representing 776,000 soldiers and 96,000 civilians. Aside from being a total badass, Richardson represents a powerful force sweeping the country, and soon the world. The time for women to take leadership and power is now. Well, to be fair, that time should’ve begun many years ago, but here we are. Time is up for men to solely hold command of the Army or executive positions in corporations.
We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men and women are created equal. I recognize that is not a direct quote, but I’ll submit my amendment to the constitution after this article goes live.
