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T’s gonna taketh a lot to taketh me hence from thee

th’re’s nothing yond a hundr’d men ‘r m’re couldst ev’r doth

I blesseth the rains down in Africa

gonna taketh some timeth to doth the things we nev’r hadst

Above is a Shakespearean interpretation of the lyrics for “Africa” performed by Toto. Below you will find what you missed in the news yesterday.

Remember When I Said I’d Take A Bullet For You? Well…

Michael Cohen, President Trump’s former lawyer, and BFF announced that his friendship with the President was a sham. Well, he didn’t say that exactly, but he did say he is prepared to campaign against Trump and the GOP in both the midterms and the 2020 presidential race, a Democrat with knowledge told CNN. 

Cohen has been anything but silent about his new animosity towards Trump and is now claiming that he will do whatever it takes to help the Democratic Party, including stumping for candidates, delivering speeches and raising funds. Be that as it may, let us not forget that Cohen pleads guilty in August to eight criminal counts and is awaiting sentencing. 

This might not be someone the Democrats want on their side, in whatever capacity he ends up taking part.

Yeah, That’s Gonna Be No Stars From Me, Dawg

Ever have one of those nights where your Uber ride feels like you’ve gone more than 50 miles away from your destination? Well, a New York woman who requested an Uber in February ended up in that exact predicament. Not only did her driver take the really, really long way home, but he groped her and stole her phone, federal prosecutors informed CNN Tuesday.

When she finally arrived at the home, she checked her bank account and found that she’d been charged nearly $1100 for the ride. The driver, Harbir Parmar, is charged with kidnapping and wire fraud. 

“Parmar kidnapped, terrorized and assaulted the woman before dumping her on the side of an interstate.”

US Attorney Geoffrey S. Berman 

And If You Like To Your Right, You’ll See Chinese Air Space 

Two US B-52 bombers took a right turn at Albuquerque and ended up very near highly contested islands in the South China Sea, according to a statement from Pacific Air Forces. As part of US Indo-Pacific Command’s “Continuous Bomber Presence operations,” a name is ridiculously obvious as humanly possible, the two US B-52 Stratofortress bombers “participated in a routine training mission in the vicinity of the South China Sea.” 

Flyovers like these are pretty common, but the Chinese government in Beijing is very sensitive about these operations, especially when they come so close to Chinese man-made government island super fortresses (technical term). 

Scotland’s Got Salmon

Believe it or not, Scotland’s number-one food expert is farmed, Atlantic Salmon. Last year, nearly $800 million worth of Scottish salmon was exported around the globe, filling worldly tummies everywhere. The aquaculture industry, as it called, contributes roughly $2.9 billion to the U.K. economy, and the Scottish Salmon Producers’ Organization (another front-runner for incredible company name) aims to double their production to upwards of 400,000 tons in the next twelve years. 

Deliciousness aside, the environmental costs for Scotland’s marine ecosystem are rising. According to reports, last year, the River Awe, one of Scotland’s most closely observes salmon rivers, had the lowest numbers of fish — 480 salmon — since they began keeping track in 1964. 

As the demand for Scottish Salmon increases, the rise of salmon farms follows suit, and the wild fish population dramatically declines. 

“Salmon farming is extremely important to the rural economy, and so obviously no one wants to see such an important industry unnecessarily damaged…So the question is: How can we persuade the industry to move in a direction which basically avoids this damage, while still being allowed to practice? 

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