Something happened to me yesterday and it was incredibly frustrating, but also very telling of our current generation. So, there I was, minding my own business eating sushi for lunch when all of a sudden, an idea struck me for an incredible tagline for a raisin company. I thought to myself, I should write this down, but a little voice inside me suggested I take my talents to social media and seek gratification there. I unlocked my phone, sought out one of the many social platforms I use, and before an app could open, the idea was gone. I couldn’t, for the life of me, remember what the idea was. I tried retracing my mental steps, thinking about raisins and their primordial grape form, but nothing was clicking. The idea was gone, all thanks to my inherent desire to take this idea and, rather than care for it, submit it to my social circles for approval.
What a shame, it was a really funny tagline. Here’s what you missed in the news yesterday.
Even Lawyers Sing The Jailbird Blues
I hope that Michael Cohen, President Trump’s former lawyer, looks sexy in black-and-white stripes because he’ll be rocking those threats for thirty-six months in prison following his sentencing on Wednesday. Back in June, about a month before special counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation started heating up, President Trump fired Michael Cohen after his residences and homes were raided by the FBI. Lying awake in anguish every night, Cohen couldn’t stomach his relationship with Trump and eventually decided to cooperate with Mueller.
According to several sources present at the trial, Cohen started crying after he received his sentence, in hopes that the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences would potentially help him post bail, but there’s no award for Worst Supporting Criminal in a Presidential Election.
“I have been living in a personal and mental incarceration ever since the day that I accepted the offer to work for a real estate mogul whose business acumen I deeply admired. Today is one of the most meaningful days of my life. The irony is that today I get my freedom back.”
–Michael Cohen
Cohen is expected to pay $1.4 million in restitution, as well as a $50,000 fine, and forfeiture of $500,000 before his March 6 prison lease begins, according to Fox News.
Remember That Online Game? You Know, Farm Bill?
Oh, it was Farmville? Forgive me, I have the game confused with a remarkable piece of legislation that Congress voted to pass on Wednesday. The Agriculture Improvement Act of 2018, commonly known as the farm bill, has within its scriptures many legislative policies that will be enacted once the bill is signed into a law, but perhaps the most interesting is the legalization of hemp. Hemp, derived from the cannabis plant, has countless uses including utilizing its fibers to make food, paper, cardboard, rope, and other products, but most importantly, it doesn’t get you high.
“In the long run, it’s all going to be managed and controlled by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, just like corn, soybeans and everything else. It will also become an agricultural commodity, which in turn will allow crop insurance and Wall Street will be able to invest institutional funds into the hemp industry.”
–Chris Boucher, Chief Executive Officer, Farmtiva
