My friends, it is time, once again, for another round of “Elizabethan Those Lyrics,” a game show where we take your favorite popular songs and translate the lyrics you know and love into Elizabethan English.
We’re talking hence
i knoweth not what
i’m to sayeth i’ll sayeth t concluded, be it
the present day’s anoth’r day to findeth thee
shying hence
i’ll beest coming f’r thy loveth, well enow?
Taketh, on me, taketh on me. Here’s what you missed in the news yesterday.
You’re Fired
President Trump has uttered his trusty catchphrase in the face of countless members of his administration, including FBI director James Comey, US Attorney Generals Sally Yates and Jeff Sessions, Head of the US Office of Government Ethics Walter Shaub, and countless others. Someone will be fired from the White House but this time, it’s not President Trump’s decision, but rather First Lady of the United States Melania Trump.
The First Lady is calling for the firing of Deputy National Security Adviser Mira Ricardel after countless clashes between the two women.
“It is the position of the Office of the First Lady that she [Ricardel] no longer deserves the honor of serving in this White House.”
- Stephanie Grisham, Spokeswoman for First Lady Melania Trump
El Chapo Has His Day In Court
The infamous drug lord is known as “El Chapo” may have to wait longer for his trial to begin. On Tuesday morning, in a federal courthouse in Brooklyn, New York, one of the twelve jurors asked to be excused to the little juror’s room indefinitely claiming anxiety, according to NBC news. El Chapo, or Joaquin Guzman Loera, is accused of seventeen counts of the indictment related to drug trafficking, murder conspiracy and money laundering over the course of twenty-five years.
“No single individual has been more consequential than Guzman in the waves of violence that Mexico has experienced in the last decade. Of all of the symbols involved in the kingpin strategy (of targeting high-profile crime leaders in order to weaken their organization), El Chapo was boy far the most important because he grew like a rocket because he became so rick and so powerful.”
–David Shirk, Director of the Justice in Mexico Program, University of San Diego
If I had to serve as a juror for El Chapo, you bet I’d have anxiety. No doubt.
No, Raise The Flags That Aren’t Messed Up!
This was the sentiment felt by hundreds of protesters who caused quite a ruckus outside a house in Fruita, Colorado, when the owner of the house decided that, given the holiday season was just around the corner, it was high-time to fly a Nazi flag and a Confederate flag to spread winter cheer. But in all seriousness, on Tuesday, protestors insisted the homeowner take down the offensive flags.
One of the protest organizers, Joe Gibson, gave a statement to CNN affiliate KKCO who was on the scene.
“Really, I just want a future where my kids can grow up without Nazis and hate on our streets. ”
–Joe Gibson
Believe it or not, some people actually showed up in support of the person’s right to fly whatever flag they choose outside their home. It doesn’t matter that both flags represent toxic racism, and one specifically represents a regime responsible for the systematic murder of millions of people through the use of concentration camps.
